So why was I bawling? I had no idea! Turns out it was likely hormones, but I was also just feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed by this new experience and I was now feeling guilty for enjoying food while my newborn was by herself cooing.
Although I have been around a ton of babies and kids, this perspective was a hard one to adapt to and I had really no idea what to do with her!
If you can relate, or might be able to relate, this is for you:
NONE of this is to replace the advice of a sound health practitioner. Just make sure you are listening to a good one, and comparing the info to other sources.
Feeding
Babies' first meal at the breast is colostrum. There is not a whole lot of it that comes out, but it's just enough to get that baby sucking up a storm to encourage the flood gates of milk to open! (Besides, they have quite a bit of reserve in their tummy from the womb - so enjoy the rest in those first 24-48hrs while you can because their hunger is about to arrive!) When the "milk comes in", it's suggested a baby feed every 1.5-2hrs. Depending on the weight and health of your child, this might even be encouraged throughout the night - setting an alarm to feed. If a baby is a good size, latching on well and the eating is progressing steadily, there is no reason to set an alarm to feed your newborn unless they are sleeping for too long in the first couple of weeks. Seasoned moms would not wake a newborn to feed it, they prefer sleep, but a new mom might feel more comfortable going 3-4hr stretches at night to start.
Breast milk supply is established in the first 2-4 months. Often the initial engorgement goes down after this and a new "norm" for breast size and fullness is revealed. It is usually around then that leaking at night stops (unless baby is sleeping longer stretches) and one feels a little more comfortable with the whole breastfeeding experience.
Babies' sucking needs help to establish milk supply and bonding between mom and babe. The frequency of the need to suck will most likely change after this period and a feeding rhythm will either emerge or can easily be established. That is why I agree strongly with the school of thought that discourages pacifiers within the first 4 months (see note on good uses for a pacifier below). The feeds take a LONG time to start. Anywhere from 20-60mins! Newborns will often fall asleep at the breast and there are a lot of good resources available that have tips on how to keep them awake.
Take heart! The feeds get more efficient as time goes on (one of the cute pieces of evidence are the big cheeks that form! The fat cushions the strengthening jaw muscles). You may one day marvel that the feeds get as efficient as 10-15mins!
Hot tip: Train yourself to drink a large glass of water at EVERY feed. Not only does breastfeeding rob your body of a lot of water, thereby making dehydration likely, but water intake impacts milk supply.
Hot tip: Learn to slow down and relax. Allow yourself (perhaps for the first time ever) to do nothing while you nurse. Soon the baby will be so distracted when its eating that the soothing doting feeds will be missed, so enjoy!
Hot tip: Be good to your posture while nursing! There is a pain that is not yet known to a woman who has not breastfed. Staring down at your child, holding them, sitting wrong... all these things can cause major strain on your upper back. Bring the baby right to breast level with a really plush nursing pillow or alternative. Keep your shoulders relaxed and down. Staring at the baby is a non-negotiable, but if you are keep the rest of your body in check, this won't bother you as badly.
An interesting overview of breastfeeding from a biological perspective: the hormone prolactin that is released in the body to produce the function of breastfeeding has a cycle. A low time and a spike. For some reason the spike happens during the middle of the night. But the drop often happens in the evening, before bed. Each feed is valuable, but a baby actually stores up the calories it needs to last for the night during the day, so don't be too frustrated that you don't have enough milk in the evening. Although a significant drop could be a sign of need for intervention, having less does not mean that the baby did not eat enough for the day. Evening fussiness is a well known phenomenon for babies, even babies of moms with constantly gushing milk and moms that have "just enough". Here is some good, and concise info on prolactin levels from one of my favourite sites: kellymom.com http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/prolactin-levels/
Pacifiers
Bad uses:
- Replacing time at the breast **Pacifiers can be very counter productive to establishing good milk supply
- A sleep aid (it's a crutch that is hard to let go of and sleep research shows that a sleep aid like a pacifier work against a child's need to learn to self-sooth)
- Main soothing technique. Parents will need to have lots of tools in their parenting tool box to calm and soothe their infants, toddlers and children. A pacifier can cause stress when it is all a parent has to offer a child and a) it isn't working or b) it was forgotten at home, or can't be found.
- Car seat fussiness. Driving with a screaming baby is very stressful. A pacifier is one of few distractions that work on young infants that are not able to hold toys or see what is passing outside the window (check out more tips in the "Playtime/Distracting" section).
- For dad to have a tool in those early months if mom is away
- Occasionally using it to put a baby to sleep then popping it out of their mouth.
Baths:
This pregnancy I have learned of a school of thought that discourages bathing a baby in the hospital or right away that I am interested in applying. Feel free to look into it yourself: http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/newborn-baby-care.html#bath
My note is about tips for bathing your newborn at home when it's the right time. a) newborns don't need to be bathed once a day. They are rarely "dirty" and their skin is super sensitive. One can even wait over 4 days to bath their baby. The only dirt that comes their way is breast milk in their creases and pooping! The breast milk can be kept out of creases by nursing with a bib or a receiving blanket under their chin and under your breast (helps you from being drenched in milk too).
Hot tip: Crank the heat up in your bathroom for an hour before bath time and the baby will not notice the temperature change as dramatically and might love baths sooner than otherwise.
As for diaper changes...
I HIGHLY recommend using cloth wipes with water for at least 3-4 months. Pros:
- much better for baby's skin
- saves money on wipes (that are loaded with chemicals)
- easy to clean - newborn poop (after the meconium) is extremely water soluble
- Cleans way better, less need for baths because of blowouts, etc.
Diaper Cream:
Diaper cream is NOT preventative and the common ones purchased in a drugstore are mineral oil based and have chemicals. Only use a cream if there is a problem. Olive oil is a great lotion for after bath time and as a diaper cream. But there are many natural ones out there that come highly recommended. This is one recently recommended to me: http://www.dimpleskinsnaturals.com/bbb.htm
This is a cloth diaper safe cream.
Playtime & Distractions:
Touch is the best play for a newborn. Cooing sounds and low stimulation - all of this will come so naturally. Another thing that is amazing for mom, dad and babe is baby wearing. Getting a good baby carrier and having baby everywhere with you - smelling mom and dad, hearing your heartbeat - is such a good transition from the womb to the shocking world.
One thing I didn't know that would also be good for babe is just time lying on their back by them self. They need to decompress and allow all the new stimulation to be absorbed. I felt guilty for this, but it's a good thing. Especially if they can hear you near by. This is also a good way for a baby to learn to drift off to sleep.
Car seat Distractions:
Some parents LOVE car rides with their infants because it instantly puts them to sleep whereas others break into a cold sweat when they have to go on a car ride. I can picture me on the side of the road, hazards on, swing the car seat to try to calm my INCONSOLABLE baby. Or begging Roger to run red lights because when we stopped she would wake up or freak out.
Tips:
- The $3.99 Bright Star rattle. Shake it rhythmically near them and they care lulled to sleep or calmed. I want to kiss the maker of that thing.
- Baby Mozart, or a CD that has quite a punchiness to it
- Open with window and blast them with some fresh air to shock them.
- I have known people that have breastfed in the backseat while someone else is driving. I have not pulled it off, but have tried!!
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