It’s 2am. Ridiculous. I can’t sleep though! Something that happened to me this weekend got me thinking about Ashley.
I was at Capernwray Hall working in the summer youth program 4 years ago working with kids and teens. This is sort of a funny thing because I don’t often like other people’s children. (It’s complicated, but if you get it, you get it).
But I knew God wanted me there and so I totally relied on His strength to do my job. It was amazing. Miracle after miracle. I seem to attract to me the delinquents and misfits and I wouldn’t have it any other way. God kept showing me how to reach them.
In reality, more times than not, I don’t like these types of people that cross my path when I first meet them. They might be entertaining, but if I’m being totally honest, there is no obvious reason to like them. But then a miracle happens and God opens my heart to love them deeply. Sometimes deeper than most.
The last week of the summer was anticipated with trepidation by most veteran staff. It was single-parent week and it was the most profound time spiritually, but also the most challenging. Broken, hurting, difficult families from all over England were bussed in and sponsored by a local church to attend. The women are treated like queens and the kids get a really cool program planned for them. But there are boundaries that we had to implement that were unnecessary for all previous weeks.
When I met Ashley (who is a boy), I instantly disliked him. Within 1 minute he revealed to me that rebellion to authority was what he ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He swore at me and threw something that “missed” me. Great.
I have to admit something I don’t admit very often: this kid intimidated me. So I had nowhere to go but on my knees. "God, you’ve got to do this thing". The facts I am about to write are not a fabrication or exaggeration to make a good story, this is how the week went.
Day 1 & 2 - Every other sentence out of my mouth was “Ashley, don’t…” This kid tested my patience every instance and I was constantly on my guard.
I kept praying… “God, he’s so different than kids in previous weeks.. how do I reach him?”
Day 2.5 “Miriam, your group is in charge of doing the bonfire tonight” came the order from my supervisor.
Now of course, Ashley had corrupted another kid to be his sidekick. I think his name was Nathan. Anyway, the word from God was, “ask them to gather the wood.”
“Unattended Lord?”
“Yep. They can’t trust you if you don’t trust them”.
“Ashley, and Nathan, I need you to gather wood for the bonfire tonight. Can you do it during free time this afternoon?”
“SURE!
But we need an axe”
“Lord?!”
“Yep”
Gulp. “okay boys. Now listen, I am entrusting this to you and I know you will do a good job and not get into trouble”.
Well, I don’t know who snatched Ashley’s body and transplanted another kid into him, but it happened. It was like someone lit a fire inside him. Breathless and excited, I got hourly reports of their progress. They explained their big plan and how it was being done. It was innocent, and actually quite ingenious and it was intoxicating.
After dinner came the task of lighting the bonfire, which was roughly two blocks away in a field near a bluff of trees. I had a lot of other kids to look after so I didn’t have time, BUT this was a very grown up task.
“Get them to light the fire”
(picture me biting my knuckles) this could go VERY badly. Very, very badly.
You will never trust me with your children after you read this, but I gave 2 thirteen year old, delinquent teens a can of gasoline and matches, and asked them to light a formidable pile of wood, unattended.
That was a huge test of faith for me as I am sure you can understand. I probably could have been deported. Or at least fired and forced to eat coconut jaffa cakes for eternity.
Instead, it went off without a hitch. The boys were so overwhelmed with their responsibility, they did not let me down for a moment.
Day 3-6 - Ashley was MY sidekick. He would do whatever I said. If he was getting too rowdy, all I had to say was “Ashley, will you please..” and he stopped. I know, it seems far-fetched for such a quick turn around but I have witnesses.
But the biggest turn around was that God revealed a love for Ashley in my heart that wasn’t there when I met him. I thought he was a lost cause.
Day 6 – Departure day. The buses arrived and the typical good-byes, “I’ll write..”s and photos took place. But where was Ashley? I asked a few kids and finally found his brother “he’s on the bus, hiding”. I went on the bus and as soon as he saw me, he grabbed his pillow and hid behind it. I went up to him and said "Ashley, please let me look at you". He wouldn’t budge. I tried removing the pillow, but he would not let me. I was heart broken – he couldn’t handle saying good-bye. And the crushing thing was that I was going to get off that bus, and leave his life like maybe a hundred other people, including his dad, and would never see him again. I told him how much I cared about him and how much I had enjoyed his friendship that week and that I hoped wonderful things for him in the Lord. Then I walked as slowly as I could off the bus to see if he would come out of his shell. Nothing.
There is no traditional happy ending to this story. “Why Lord?” But it wasn’t for me to know. Ashley wasn’t mine (I wanted to adopt him :). He wasn’t my project, or my ministry – He belonged to the Lord.
That summer all in all was a pivotal time of growth for me. But one of the most beautiful lessons I learned was that God LOVES difficult cases. He’s not intimidated by them and NOTHING is a lost cause. He rubs his hands in delight in anticipation for what He will do. He doesn’t do it for our comfort, but He does it because He says in His Word “it is better to give than to receive”. I don’t understand it, but God loves to give. I don’t spend enough time receiving, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t giving. What I learned about God’s love for Ashley is what I need to know every day about His love for me. Nothing I do causes Him to flinch. He loves even when the world doesn’t love me, and when I don’t love myself. He loves difficult cases, and I know this, because I am one of them.
