It’s 2am. Ridiculous. I can’t sleep though! Something that happened to me this weekend got me thinking about Ashley.
I was at Capernwray Hall working in the summer youth program 4 years ago working with kids and teens. This is sort of a funny thing because I don’t often like other people’s children. (It’s complicated, but if you get it, you get it).
But I knew God wanted me there and so I totally relied on His strength to do my job. It was amazing. Miracle after miracle. I seem to attract to me the delinquents and misfits and I wouldn’t have it any other way. God kept showing me how to reach them.
In reality, more times than not, I don’t like these types of people that cross my path when I first meet them. They might be entertaining, but if I’m being totally honest, there is no obvious reason to like them. But then a miracle happens and God opens my heart to love them deeply. Sometimes deeper than most.
The last week of the summer was anticipated with trepidation by most veteran staff. It was single-parent week and it was the most profound time spiritually, but also the most challenging. Broken, hurting, difficult families from all over England were bussed in and sponsored by a local church to attend. The women are treated like queens and the kids get a really cool program planned for them. But there are boundaries that we had to implement that were unnecessary for all previous weeks.
When I met Ashley (who is a boy), I instantly disliked him. Within 1 minute he revealed to me that rebellion to authority was what he ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He swore at me and threw something that “missed” me. Great.
I have to admit something I don’t admit very often: this kid intimidated me. So I had nowhere to go but on my knees. "God, you’ve got to do this thing". The facts I am about to write are not a fabrication or exaggeration to make a good story, this is how the week went.
Day 1 & 2 - Every other sentence out of my mouth was “Ashley, don’t…” This kid tested my patience every instance and I was constantly on my guard.
I kept praying… “God, he’s so different than kids in previous weeks.. how do I reach him?”
Day 2.5 “Miriam, your group is in charge of doing the bonfire tonight” came the order from my supervisor.
Now of course, Ashley had corrupted another kid to be his sidekick. I think his name was Nathan. Anyway, the word from God was, “ask them to gather the wood.”
“Unattended Lord?”
“Yep. They can’t trust you if you don’t trust them”.
“Ashley, and Nathan, I need you to gather wood for the bonfire tonight. Can you do it during free time this afternoon?”
“SURE!
But we need an axe”
“Lord?!”
“Yep”
Gulp. “okay boys. Now listen, I am entrusting this to you and I know you will do a good job and not get into trouble”.
Well, I don’t know who snatched Ashley’s body and transplanted another kid into him, but it happened. It was like someone lit a fire inside him. Breathless and excited, I got hourly reports of their progress. They explained their big plan and how it was being done. It was innocent, and actually quite ingenious and it was intoxicating.
After dinner came the task of lighting the bonfire, which was roughly two blocks away in a field near a bluff of trees. I had a lot of other kids to look after so I didn’t have time, BUT this was a very grown up task.
“Get them to light the fire”
(picture me biting my knuckles) this could go VERY badly. Very, very badly.
You will never trust me with your children after you read this, but I gave 2 thirteen year old, delinquent teens a can of gasoline and matches, and asked them to light a formidable pile of wood, unattended.
That was a huge test of faith for me as I am sure you can understand. I probably could have been deported. Or at least fired and forced to eat coconut jaffa cakes for eternity.
Instead, it went off without a hitch. The boys were so overwhelmed with their responsibility, they did not let me down for a moment.
Day 3-6 - Ashley was MY sidekick. He would do whatever I said. If he was getting too rowdy, all I had to say was “Ashley, will you please..” and he stopped. I know, it seems far-fetched for such a quick turn around but I have witnesses.
But the biggest turn around was that God revealed a love for Ashley in my heart that wasn’t there when I met him. I thought he was a lost cause.
Day 6 – Departure day. The buses arrived and the typical good-byes, “I’ll write..”s and photos took place. But where was Ashley? I asked a few kids and finally found his brother “he’s on the bus, hiding”. I went on the bus and as soon as he saw me, he grabbed his pillow and hid behind it. I went up to him and said "Ashley, please let me look at you". He wouldn’t budge. I tried removing the pillow, but he would not let me. I was heart broken – he couldn’t handle saying good-bye. And the crushing thing was that I was going to get off that bus, and leave his life like maybe a hundred other people, including his dad, and would never see him again. I told him how much I cared about him and how much I had enjoyed his friendship that week and that I hoped wonderful things for him in the Lord. Then I walked as slowly as I could off the bus to see if he would come out of his shell. Nothing.
There is no traditional happy ending to this story. “Why Lord?” But it wasn’t for me to know. Ashley wasn’t mine (I wanted to adopt him :). He wasn’t my project, or my ministry – He belonged to the Lord.
That summer all in all was a pivotal time of growth for me. But one of the most beautiful lessons I learned was that God LOVES difficult cases. He’s not intimidated by them and NOTHING is a lost cause. He rubs his hands in delight in anticipation for what He will do. He doesn’t do it for our comfort, but He does it because He says in His Word “it is better to give than to receive”. I don’t understand it, but God loves to give. I don’t spend enough time receiving, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t giving. What I learned about God’s love for Ashley is what I need to know every day about His love for me. Nothing I do causes Him to flinch. He loves even when the world doesn’t love me, and when I don’t love myself. He loves difficult cases, and I know this, because I am one of them.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
A "humble offering from the sermon edit room floor"
These are some pearls I heard from a pastor that didn't make it to a sermon..
Gratitude is one of the foremost Christian attitudes..
It fosters the Christ-like graces that should be resident in us all.
It is the mark of a contented person; one who is not grasping for more. One who has learned to be content with his lot.
Ingratitude is a sin. Romans 1:21 says "...although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
Being ungrateful is at the root of spiritual rebellion.
Gratitude puts a cork in the bottle of covetousness; envious people have a hard time enjoying life because they are always envisioning those things that they don't have, whereas grateful men and women savour those thing that already exist.
Gratitude is one of the foremost Christian attitudes..
It fosters the Christ-like graces that should be resident in us all.
It is the mark of a contented person; one who is not grasping for more. One who has learned to be content with his lot.
Ingratitude is a sin. Romans 1:21 says "...although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
Being ungrateful is at the root of spiritual rebellion.
Gratitude puts a cork in the bottle of covetousness; envious people have a hard time enjoying life because they are always envisioning those things that they don't have, whereas grateful men and women savour those thing that already exist.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Adventures with Hannah
Part 1 "Mimi, I can't get lost up here, I don't know my phone number yet!"
A very brilliant reflection for a four year-old, but she didn't quite get the fact that up on a mountain you wouldn't be any better off knowing your number since there was no where to call it.
"But I don't have to worry, I can always find my Mimi"
It was a perfect Autumn day. Not raining, but grey with expressive clouds and a comforting dampness in the air. I wanted to take Hannah to a corn maze but she was being a brat, so I took her up one of the mountains in Victoria instead. It has a breathtaking view of the southern tip of the island, the Gulf Islands and the U.S. It also has a lot of rocks and crags to climb all over. I think it's important (at the right stage) to let a kid challenge their coordination, to blaze the trail, and to see where the paths go. Of course, the lessons I learned in the process were endless.
I would take her along the paths to cool places, but her independence was raring to go. She would say "follow me Mimi!" and take us dangerously close to the edge, or she would slip on a wet rock. "Let's go this way! I know where to go", but ultimately we would hit a dead end and I would say "Hannah, sometimes the best way to get to where you want to go is by sticking to the path". So I would lead by example and follow the path.. and I would hear her behind me "wait for me, oops! ow!" and I would climb up to some cool point and see another breathtaking perspective and say "Hannah come here, you've gotta see this.." and she would say "I'm coming, wait for me" taking the longest way to get there.
She was very entertaining, and she was always safe, despite how irresponsible my care for her sounds by reading this. I was always a step away to catch her fall. Although sometimes I would let her fall. No tears, no scrapes, just a startled look and a dirty bum. She needed to learn her limitations, a healthy fear of the terrain, and how to use self-control.
Again, I caught a glimpse of God, the wise, caring Father, leading us along this rocky terrain of life. Always leading us in the right direction, to wondrous things, even if we can't see past the rocks in front of us. I also heard my voice. "No God, it's THIS way... this is the way I need to go". And He lets me go that way sometimes to learn about why it's so wise to trust Him.
Part 2 We were playing outside at a new park and there was an impressive structure for her to climb on. She started to climb it, but eventually she got to a height that in my wisdom, I knew was too dangerous for her to climb up to. The chances of her falling were great, and if she did fall, she could have really hurt herself. So I told her not to climb any further. She questioned me "Why?" because that's her favorite question, but after I explained she obeyed me. Sometimes she doesn't obey and she whines because her priority is fun, despite the danger.
I was reminded of my interactions with God. His wisdom is indescribably higher than mine, and we are told in the Bible that he is a God that loves His children. So when he steers me in a direction that I think doesn't meet my goals of happiness or fun, I get really upset and confused and I whine and even shake a fist at the sky. But He knows. He's asked me to trust Him, despite not being able to understand all things when I want to know them.
Later on we were at the park and my niece fell and scraped her leg. Dr. Mimi rescued her by checking for blood, and then holding her really close until she calmed down. With tears streaming down her dirty face she said so passionately "Mimi, I really wish that didn't happen". It had ruined her fun. I said to her, "I know" and I almost started crying. I have lived those things. I sit on God's lap and say desperately "God, I really wish that had not happened". Sometimes that perspective lasts a few months, then I am grateful for what I have learned out of the situation. Other hurts last for years: open ended, but still with the assurance that God says "I know".
A very brilliant reflection for a four year-old, but she didn't quite get the fact that up on a mountain you wouldn't be any better off knowing your number since there was no where to call it.
"But I don't have to worry, I can always find my Mimi"
It was a perfect Autumn day. Not raining, but grey with expressive clouds and a comforting dampness in the air. I wanted to take Hannah to a corn maze but she was being a brat, so I took her up one of the mountains in Victoria instead. It has a breathtaking view of the southern tip of the island, the Gulf Islands and the U.S. It also has a lot of rocks and crags to climb all over. I think it's important (at the right stage) to let a kid challenge their coordination, to blaze the trail, and to see where the paths go. Of course, the lessons I learned in the process were endless.
I would take her along the paths to cool places, but her independence was raring to go. She would say "follow me Mimi!" and take us dangerously close to the edge, or she would slip on a wet rock. "Let's go this way! I know where to go", but ultimately we would hit a dead end and I would say "Hannah, sometimes the best way to get to where you want to go is by sticking to the path". So I would lead by example and follow the path.. and I would hear her behind me "wait for me, oops! ow!" and I would climb up to some cool point and see another breathtaking perspective and say "Hannah come here, you've gotta see this.." and she would say "I'm coming, wait for me" taking the longest way to get there.
She was very entertaining, and she was always safe, despite how irresponsible my care for her sounds by reading this. I was always a step away to catch her fall. Although sometimes I would let her fall. No tears, no scrapes, just a startled look and a dirty bum. She needed to learn her limitations, a healthy fear of the terrain, and how to use self-control.
Again, I caught a glimpse of God, the wise, caring Father, leading us along this rocky terrain of life. Always leading us in the right direction, to wondrous things, even if we can't see past the rocks in front of us. I also heard my voice. "No God, it's THIS way... this is the way I need to go". And He lets me go that way sometimes to learn about why it's so wise to trust Him.
Part 2 We were playing outside at a new park and there was an impressive structure for her to climb on. She started to climb it, but eventually she got to a height that in my wisdom, I knew was too dangerous for her to climb up to. The chances of her falling were great, and if she did fall, she could have really hurt herself. So I told her not to climb any further. She questioned me "Why?" because that's her favorite question, but after I explained she obeyed me. Sometimes she doesn't obey and she whines because her priority is fun, despite the danger.
I was reminded of my interactions with God. His wisdom is indescribably higher than mine, and we are told in the Bible that he is a God that loves His children. So when he steers me in a direction that I think doesn't meet my goals of happiness or fun, I get really upset and confused and I whine and even shake a fist at the sky. But He knows. He's asked me to trust Him, despite not being able to understand all things when I want to know them.
Later on we were at the park and my niece fell and scraped her leg. Dr. Mimi rescued her by checking for blood, and then holding her really close until she calmed down. With tears streaming down her dirty face she said so passionately "Mimi, I really wish that didn't happen". It had ruined her fun. I said to her, "I know" and I almost started crying. I have lived those things. I sit on God's lap and say desperately "God, I really wish that had not happened". Sometimes that perspective lasts a few months, then I am grateful for what I have learned out of the situation. Other hurts last for years: open ended, but still with the assurance that God says "I know".
Thursday, August 25, 2005
tolerated intolerance
Spirituality 1 : something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric as such 2 : sensitivity or attachment to religious values 4 : the quality or state of being spiritual.
I struggle to understand why appreciating spirituality, a supposed transcendant idealogy, has a set of rules. World-wide journeys in spirituality are celebrated, written about; there are movies made and talk shows devoted. Self-awareness and spiritual enlightenment are buzz words for escaping meaningless and mundance existence and essential aids to overcome unjust or frustrating circumstances.
And yet, people leave the room the minute you start to say that there is 'one way'.
Everyone is searching, and researching the searching of others, but no one wants 'one way'.
"How dare you arrogantly assume that your journey has led you to one single Truth"
It's not that I believe that because someone claims to have the Truth that it should be accepted, but the fact that it is not even respected saddens me. It is one of many reasons that I believe that the quest for "spirituality" in this lifetime is futile and a chasing after the wind. It's a pop trend that changes nothing, it just adds pot pourri to the years where human kind feels lost.
I don't want spirituality, I want Truth.
I cannot deny the existence of a Being more intelligent and more intricate than I am. I don't believe it is in myself because the deeper I dig in self-revelation, the darker the hole gets. My best moments are still mediocre to the inkling I have of perfection. I am not trying to reach perfection in my own strength, but I believe the concept can be entertained. And if a Higher Being is not in me, it is CERTAINLY not in anyone else.
So, there is a Being outside of who I am that perhaps spins the world and has an influence of good and power. Who is this God? What do I need to do in order to be reconciled to Him in this lifetime? If there is a day of reckoning, or Judgment, what do I need to do, or believe in order to be on his side? Is He a Good God (as I understand goodness... helpful to human kind and creation), or evil (destructive towards the world)? If He is good, who is accountable for the evil? Is it humans, or an additional spiritual being?
I cannot believe that there are multiple answers to this. Logic defies the idea that there is a party of deities, each with their own groups and sects and on the day of judgment we all get ushered into different rooms or realms and get sorted out depending on which journey we chose. What if one's beliefs overlapped?? What if you believed in Nirvana and hell. Would a Buddhist god size you up to see if you qualify at the risk of the Catholic God arguing that the individual qualified for hell?
Can we know these kinds of things in this lifetime, or do we just try to be the best we can within the standards that we have been raised with, and hope that we chose the right path? What if you had Down Syndrome or a mentally disabling afflication and were unable to rationalize these types of lifestyle choices... is there justice for you then?Can anyone be 100% sure?
I am.
Do you judge me for it?
I struggle to understand why appreciating spirituality, a supposed transcendant idealogy, has a set of rules. World-wide journeys in spirituality are celebrated, written about; there are movies made and talk shows devoted. Self-awareness and spiritual enlightenment are buzz words for escaping meaningless and mundance existence and essential aids to overcome unjust or frustrating circumstances.
And yet, people leave the room the minute you start to say that there is 'one way'.
Everyone is searching, and researching the searching of others, but no one wants 'one way'.
"How dare you arrogantly assume that your journey has led you to one single Truth"
It's not that I believe that because someone claims to have the Truth that it should be accepted, but the fact that it is not even respected saddens me. It is one of many reasons that I believe that the quest for "spirituality" in this lifetime is futile and a chasing after the wind. It's a pop trend that changes nothing, it just adds pot pourri to the years where human kind feels lost.
I don't want spirituality, I want Truth.
I cannot deny the existence of a Being more intelligent and more intricate than I am. I don't believe it is in myself because the deeper I dig in self-revelation, the darker the hole gets. My best moments are still mediocre to the inkling I have of perfection. I am not trying to reach perfection in my own strength, but I believe the concept can be entertained. And if a Higher Being is not in me, it is CERTAINLY not in anyone else.
So, there is a Being outside of who I am that perhaps spins the world and has an influence of good and power. Who is this God? What do I need to do in order to be reconciled to Him in this lifetime? If there is a day of reckoning, or Judgment, what do I need to do, or believe in order to be on his side? Is He a Good God (as I understand goodness... helpful to human kind and creation), or evil (destructive towards the world)? If He is good, who is accountable for the evil? Is it humans, or an additional spiritual being?
I cannot believe that there are multiple answers to this. Logic defies the idea that there is a party of deities, each with their own groups and sects and on the day of judgment we all get ushered into different rooms or realms and get sorted out depending on which journey we chose. What if one's beliefs overlapped?? What if you believed in Nirvana and hell. Would a Buddhist god size you up to see if you qualify at the risk of the Catholic God arguing that the individual qualified for hell?
Can we know these kinds of things in this lifetime, or do we just try to be the best we can within the standards that we have been raised with, and hope that we chose the right path? What if you had Down Syndrome or a mentally disabling afflication and were unable to rationalize these types of lifestyle choices... is there justice for you then?Can anyone be 100% sure?
I am.
Do you judge me for it?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
colour blind
we know colour blindness is more than just mere tolerance. But it's also not simply identifying the mutual value of races.
it's not identifying.
it's not identifying.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
the satellite effect
I find it really hard to live this life. I think/hope/cling to the thought that there are others out there in the same category, so I will write this entry on the assumption that that is true. You see every now and then I learn something that helps me in my efforts as a human and in my innocence (not arrogance, although that could easily be assumed), I can't wait to get my "learned lesson" out there to hopefully help others, so here goes...
God speaks to me in pictures a lot. He will teach me a concept, and then give me a picture to solidify it in my mind (and to give me catchy titles like the Satellite Effect). But first, the background:
So here is something I learned a long time ago.... You can't change people.
It was actually a STARTLING revelation. I would try to talk people into ANYTHING. Probably my most frequent victims were my parents.
"Of course I should be allowed to stay out past my curfew.. it's only a matter of time before you begin to see things my way." "This skirt isn't too short, you're just looking at it at the wrong angle."
My arguing skills primarily served to, well.. serve me! Even when I would try to argue people into the kingdom of heaven (which you can't do I discovered) it would be self-serving.
So.. further along the path, I learned that trying to manipulate people is often more effective than arguing. You can appear to be an angel of light with perfectly selfish motives! What can I say? I am Italian AND female (a lethal, but sexy combination I might add...).
Years pass, and through the Lord's sometimes gentle, often harsh breaking, I arrive at a relieving, and/or heart breaking conclusion:
you cannot change people.
You cannot make someone put the toilet seat down consistently, you can't convince someone that they should love you, call you more.... My mom has been trying to convince her mom for years that she has not joined a cult (Christianity), and that she doesn't call her only to get at her money.
So I asked God in my helplessness and confusion, "how do I deal?!"
And that's when he answered me with a simple picture of a satellite.
You can't change people, but you can be used to affect change in others. And actually, if one learns this chain of command, it will improve your life; it helps to lower expectations, and it lowers the amount of arguments and manipulations.
Think about a computer that beams a signal to a satellite and then the satellite beams it elsewhere. I'm sure you can do the figurative mathematics, but just to be thorough, I'll explain it to you. Let's say that you are struggling with your brother, sister, husband, wife, co-worker. You want them to be kinder, more attentive, more spiritual, etc. You can try to argue, manipulate... but neither of them works. Beam it up to the satellite (aka. God of the Universe). Put it in His hands (cast your burden on him) and LET IT GO. Then watch as His beams spontaneously start landing on earth... either on that person, or on YOU! Only the Holy Spirit can affect change in someone's life.
God is faithful, but we have to trust that he knows best and times things best. But what it does for me/you/us is that it places the responsibility in the hands of the creator, of the reconciler, of the lover of our souls, instead of with us. Pretty simple, pretty profound, pretty encouraging of love and surrender in the most precious places in our lives - relationships.
Struggling with someone? Don't choose to always correct, be disappointed, fight to get your way... instead, use it as an opportunity to see the Lord work in His miraculous ways in the other person's life, and especially your own. This is the role He EXPECTS to play in our lives.
Beam it up.
God speaks to me in pictures a lot. He will teach me a concept, and then give me a picture to solidify it in my mind (and to give me catchy titles like the Satellite Effect). But first, the background:
So here is something I learned a long time ago.... You can't change people.
It was actually a STARTLING revelation. I would try to talk people into ANYTHING. Probably my most frequent victims were my parents.
"Of course I should be allowed to stay out past my curfew.. it's only a matter of time before you begin to see things my way." "This skirt isn't too short, you're just looking at it at the wrong angle."
My arguing skills primarily served to, well.. serve me! Even when I would try to argue people into the kingdom of heaven (which you can't do I discovered) it would be self-serving.
So.. further along the path, I learned that trying to manipulate people is often more effective than arguing. You can appear to be an angel of light with perfectly selfish motives! What can I say? I am Italian AND female (a lethal, but sexy combination I might add...).
Years pass, and through the Lord's sometimes gentle, often harsh breaking, I arrive at a relieving, and/or heart breaking conclusion:
you cannot change people.
You cannot make someone put the toilet seat down consistently, you can't convince someone that they should love you, call you more.... My mom has been trying to convince her mom for years that she has not joined a cult (Christianity), and that she doesn't call her only to get at her money.
So I asked God in my helplessness and confusion, "how do I deal?!"
And that's when he answered me with a simple picture of a satellite.
You can't change people, but you can be used to affect change in others. And actually, if one learns this chain of command, it will improve your life; it helps to lower expectations, and it lowers the amount of arguments and manipulations.
Think about a computer that beams a signal to a satellite and then the satellite beams it elsewhere. I'm sure you can do the figurative mathematics, but just to be thorough, I'll explain it to you. Let's say that you are struggling with your brother, sister, husband, wife, co-worker. You want them to be kinder, more attentive, more spiritual, etc. You can try to argue, manipulate... but neither of them works. Beam it up to the satellite (aka. God of the Universe). Put it in His hands (cast your burden on him) and LET IT GO. Then watch as His beams spontaneously start landing on earth... either on that person, or on YOU! Only the Holy Spirit can affect change in someone's life.
God is faithful, but we have to trust that he knows best and times things best. But what it does for me/you/us is that it places the responsibility in the hands of the creator, of the reconciler, of the lover of our souls, instead of with us. Pretty simple, pretty profound, pretty encouraging of love and surrender in the most precious places in our lives - relationships.
Struggling with someone? Don't choose to always correct, be disappointed, fight to get your way... instead, use it as an opportunity to see the Lord work in His miraculous ways in the other person's life, and especially your own. This is the role He EXPECTS to play in our lives.
Beam it up.
Friday, February 04, 2005
the valley of emotions
I used to get frustrated at the thought of my spiritual life having levels: certain seasons when things were so good, and then certain seasons when things were 'cold' (like I had gone down or back a level). It felt like it was possible that levels existed, but it messed with my theology.
Especially when I took into account that those seasons that seemed like I was closest to God, were not consistently when things were going well. In fact, in most recent years, I have deeply experienced the intimacy of God when my heart is broken, and I cannot see my way clearly.
I asked God to teach me about this, and He was faithful (of course) and gave me a little picture that I wanted to share with you (if anyone reads this at all).
The biggest issue was God showing me how easily I am swayed by my emotions. I would have a 'good' day, really focused on the Lord, His purposes and then something would set me off and I would get discouraged and begin to doubt that he even knew I existed.
Then God reminded me that I need to train my mind. There is not a presto-chang-o moment that will end my life as a 'moody' Christian, and begin my life as a saint with unfaltering faith. Instead, I can train my mind to no longer pursue sinful coping mechanisms. To use self-control in the area of emotions.
The picture I got was of me standing in a field, on a firm foundation. The Truth is, that I am always there on that firm foundation. Not by works, but by Grace. God's salvation work in me is complete. I am justified, and so there I stand, in the field, on a solid rock.
But as I stand there, a mist comes in and covers my eyes from seeing my firm foundation. Sometimes it's a mist, sometimes it's a thick cloud.
My untrained mind assumes I have faltered from my 'level' of faith and taken steps backward. But my renewed mind now sees the trick and I take the appropriate action: I remember that I have been firmly planted on one solid foundation for all time. I need to make a choice to seek the Truth that disperses the clouds and mist before my eyes.
All of a sudden I am Peter on the tumultuous waves and Jesus is saying "stop looking at the waves, look at me. Truth is not in the waves--they will only drag you down. It may seem impossible, but look at me: I am above the waves."
Circumstance does not dictate or change my intimate connection with the Truth of God and His love for me and His love in me.
It's a question of faith, and then faith in action.
As a female, the battle against emotions is a BIG one. But lately, it's as though I am living out miracles when I see God free me from the bondage and the idolatry of my emotions when I remember where I stand.
Especially when I took into account that those seasons that seemed like I was closest to God, were not consistently when things were going well. In fact, in most recent years, I have deeply experienced the intimacy of God when my heart is broken, and I cannot see my way clearly.
I asked God to teach me about this, and He was faithful (of course) and gave me a little picture that I wanted to share with you (if anyone reads this at all).
The biggest issue was God showing me how easily I am swayed by my emotions. I would have a 'good' day, really focused on the Lord, His purposes and then something would set me off and I would get discouraged and begin to doubt that he even knew I existed.
Then God reminded me that I need to train my mind. There is not a presto-chang-o moment that will end my life as a 'moody' Christian, and begin my life as a saint with unfaltering faith. Instead, I can train my mind to no longer pursue sinful coping mechanisms. To use self-control in the area of emotions.
The picture I got was of me standing in a field, on a firm foundation. The Truth is, that I am always there on that firm foundation. Not by works, but by Grace. God's salvation work in me is complete. I am justified, and so there I stand, in the field, on a solid rock.
But as I stand there, a mist comes in and covers my eyes from seeing my firm foundation. Sometimes it's a mist, sometimes it's a thick cloud.
My untrained mind assumes I have faltered from my 'level' of faith and taken steps backward. But my renewed mind now sees the trick and I take the appropriate action: I remember that I have been firmly planted on one solid foundation for all time. I need to make a choice to seek the Truth that disperses the clouds and mist before my eyes.
All of a sudden I am Peter on the tumultuous waves and Jesus is saying "stop looking at the waves, look at me. Truth is not in the waves--they will only drag you down. It may seem impossible, but look at me: I am above the waves."
Circumstance does not dictate or change my intimate connection with the Truth of God and His love for me and His love in me.
It's a question of faith, and then faith in action.
As a female, the battle against emotions is a BIG one. But lately, it's as though I am living out miracles when I see God free me from the bondage and the idolatry of my emotions when I remember where I stand.
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